[TORCHWOOD FOUR] INBOX

[needmetodoanyattacking]

[Phone, text, email, Morse code, smoke signals for Ianto Jones]

Comments

[action spam, about two weeks after the Lordens' arrival]

[capthardness]

[The dreams had started the night after that red haired man--Simon--showed up. At first Jack hadn't been able to figure them out, because unlike a lot of his dreams they weren't literal recreations of his memories. They were, he supposed, more like 'normal' dreams; pieces of things that had happened jumbled together into a generally nonsensical mess as his brain sorted through its contents. And to be fair to his brain, it had a whole lot more to try and sort through than most other sentient creatures.

They weren't bad dreams, really. More confusing than anything else, because it kept feeling like there was a common thread but he couldn't figure it out at first, let alone why they kept repeating. Not in the same order, or at least he didn't think so, but still the same scenes: An empty room in the house he'd dared to call a home with Bess. The transport ship that got him home after the first time he enlisted. His bunk at the Time Academy dormitory. A mostly-empty storage building behind the orphanage.

The odd thing, especially for Jack, was the lack of any threat in any of those places. There should have been some monster lurking there--the ones who attacked Boeshane, something he'd dealt with when he was at the Agency, anything. But there wasn't. He was always alone, just sitting or standing there, when he'd rarely been that still in any of his lives.

They haven't been unsettling enough to have him bolting out of bed in a cold sweat or anything, but he has been spending quite a while awake trying to figure out what the hell is going on, trying to be quiet to keep from waking Ianto. Tonight, though, even though the dreams weren't any different, almost as soon as he wakes up Jack thinks he's finally figured out what the hell his brain has been chewing on. And it's so stupid and obvious that he barely holds back a growl of frustration before standing up, intending to head to the kitchen to do…something to distract himself until he can at least feign sleep for a bit longer.]

[needmetodoanyattacking]

[Ianto is always aware of when Jack wakes up.

Sometimes it’s a barely their awareness in sleep—rousing slightly, feeling the bed shift in that particular way, Jack’s soft breath and feet padding out of the room. Not a nightmare, likely restless…figure out which of the kitchen drawers Jack rearranged in the morning.

Others, he wakes fully because Jack’s had a bad one, enough to shake Ianto fully awake himself by it. From there, it’s about figuring out what Jack needs, and sometimes it really is to just be left alone until the fear abates enough for him to articulate a need—a kiss for touch, a touch for sex, an utterance of Ianto’s name for support and conversation.

Lately, it’s been this: waking fully, Jack still in bed or padding out of the room. Not restless, not a nightmare. Something new—and new isn’t always good.

So this time, when Jack stands, Ianto doesn’t feign or reach for sleep. He sits up, staring at Jack’s indecisive figure.]

Trouble? Torchwood or otherwise?…

[capthardness]

[Jack freezes the moment he hears Ianto's voice, only for his shoulders to drop a second later as he lets out a resigned sigh.]

Not really. Just the frustration of dealing with a brain that has two centuries of memories to scatter all over the place and leaves you to do the cleanup.

[The smile he puts in his voice isn't entirely false; this isn't bad, just not something he thought he'd have to deal with again.

Which is why he doesn't have a great idea of where to start on even sort of explaining it to Ianto so he'll actually believe it's nothing to worry about. Still, he turns and sits back down on the bed instead of just telling Ianto he's fine. He is, but he's not sure that will be so easy to believe if he runs off.

After a long moment staring at the floor, he turns with a weak smile.]

You remember telling my younger self you kinda hoped if you had kids that they'd be like him?

[It's such a roundabout way of getting to the real story--stories--but he hasn't been able to think about his life in a linear fashion in ages, forget talking about it that way.]

[needmetodoanyattacking]

I—oof I do, yes.

[The soft grunt comes as Ianto shifts himself to sit up and scoot closer, draping himself against Jack’s back. He knows how heavily Jack roots himself in touch, seeking everything from inner peace to forgiveness from human contact.

So if a hug will solve all his problems, Ianto will happily cling to him forever—but for the moment, settles for hooking his chin over Jack’s shoulder and sliding his arms around his waist.]

Stand by it, you were an absolute delight as a boy.

[capthardness]

[Jack lets out a short huff of laughter as he relaxes into Ianto's hold without even thinking about it. He's done that with a lot of people, true, but Ianto's more conscious than many of the fact there are times he needs just this way more than sex.

Right now, for instance.]

Yeah, well, we got lucky on the timing there. If that stuff'd knocked me back another year, I'm not sure I would've been verbal at all that first day. And if I'd been much older…

[he sighs, wishing he didn't understand why his mind's decided to start rifling through this particular bunch of boxes, because then it would be a lot easier to just kick them back in the corner.

But even if John hadn't told him, however briefly, that something awful had happened to Simon, he would have seen it. Because he could recognize the shape of the man's cheerful, charming masks too well and what it took to make them.]

Bet it comes as a big shock that right around that time, I got it into my head the best way to convince everyone around me that I wasn't a coward was to run off and enlist. And I guess I must've already been charming enough, since I managed to talk my best friend into coming along.

['talk', hell, he'd begged--hadn't wanted to go alone. Not that it had mattered, in the end. And it doesn't matter that he's never managed to bury that memory, that it's one of the few things that's always stayed clear, it's still enough to make his chest tight to think about.

It had made him do a lot more, after the fact.]

[needmetodoanyattacking]

Mmm. Quite.

[The words sound distracted as Ianto shifts to kiss Jack’s shoulder, then press his nose into the curve of his neck, but are anything but.

He’s going somewhere with this. He’s explaining—he’s sharing without being goaded, coaxed, or threatened. Jack is opening up, letting Ianto hold him…he just needs a little help.

The right little urges and noises to know he’s being heard. Prompting him to go on—those touches to remind him of his where and when so he can speak safely.

So Ianto holds him tighter, tries to keep his heart from racing, and purses his lips to brush another drowsy kiss against Jack’s neck where his face is still happily tucked as he listens closely and gently coaxes him along this story he’s decided to tell.]

You were born bloody charming. Fight me, as your niece likes to say.

[capthardness]

[That quip makes Jack properly laugh, shaking his head even as he rests one hand over Ianto, not quite lacing their fingers together.]

I was born with the good looks that made it easier for people to put up with me fumbling around as I learned to be charming. And I got a lot more time to practice after I got back that first time.

[He sighs, leaning back against Ianto a little more though he keeps his eyes open. It doesn't keep the past from coming for him, but it makes it easier to keep it from overriding the present.]

I honestly forgot most the fine details before I even got home, but as cliché as it sounds it's pretty true that in most ways, war doesn't change much even after a couple thousand years. Even if the other side's got tentacles and eight eyes or whatever and uses acid spit instead of guns, end results are always the same. Some people on both sides come home, others don't. My friend didn't.

[He can't quite bring himself to tell Ianto what he'd told the real Captain Jack, even if that's a huge part of why all this is getting unboxed. Because he really doesn't want to be back in that place.

Instead he takes a deep breath and lets it out before starting again.]

But because of a couple reckless things I did that wound up getting some important intel, I was suddenly being called a hero when I got back. Was pretty mad about it at first. Well, whole time, really, but I was also sixteen and didn't exactly mind the attention it got me from everyone, but especially all the other folks my age who suddenly thought I was a lot more attractive than I'd been before and were a lot more willing to swallow my bad lines.

[he knows that usually he'd say 'and other things', but right now that personality doesn't really want to hang around. Not yet, anyway. He'll probably come out of hiding when this is done and it's just him and Ianto again instead of all his stupid baggage.]

There's lots of reasons no civilization should let any of their people sign up to get themselves killed before their brain's finished cooking. [he says, voice a little softer now] But one of many is, if they actually get back, even if they didn't see anything that bad, lots of 'em are still going to be a whole lot more careless about…things they shouldn't be. More than teenagers already are. 'Specially if they're, say, an orphan so were already going without a whole lot of adult supervision, and then came back and was suddenly being treated like an adult just because they fired a blaster a couple times. Take all that, throw in being the only person around to really grieve the guy you…

[got killed jams in his throat, because he knows Ianto would argue it, and his guilt really isn't the point. Not right now, at least.

He clears this throat, waiting a moment until he can be sure his voice will come out steady and almost-casual] The biggest shock is probably that it took me a whole six months or so after I got back to wind up pregnant.

[needmetodoanyattacking]

[Ianto stills at that revelation—but he doesn’t balk. He doesn’t flinch or even breathe differently.

He’s surprised—but he’s not shocked.

Before Lisa, he heard more than he ought to have. Invisibility had its perks, and of course the team always made jokes about Jack’s crazy stories. Some of which did turn out to be true—not many, but a couple, and far sweeter in reality. The alien who was living flame? Actually made of light, and just a friend he was bonding with—sex was taboo in intimate relationships among her people. The wild night with Sasquatch? Actually a remnant of the carny—lovely young man with hypertrichosis who later found love with a man who shared the condition.

This…he never expected to be one of the real ones, but he knows enough to avoid a more visceral reaction.

Ianto’s hand slips out from under Jack’s to cover it, this time securely meshing their fingers and pressing them solidly against his midsection. He noses at Jack’s temple, speaking softly against his skin.]

That’s not in your file.

[More meaningless, leading chatter—but Ianto is definitely holding him just a little bit tighter, trying to fight the cold, horrified, aching thing sitting at the base of his sternum, threatening to freeze the air right out of his lungs.]

[capthardness]

[Jack lets out an only-slightly nervous chuckle. He hadn't expected Ianto to react with disgust the way a lot of people would have, even in their line work--Charles Gaskell comes to mind--but he'd still expected a little more open confusion.]

Yeah, well, Torchwood might have had advanced tech and science for the time when I joined up but they still wouldn't have known what to look for. Especially since I got the really important equipment for that particular process removed a couple years later. Time Agency was pretty lax about a lot of things, which is why they let people like me and Hart graduate, but they were pretty strict on making sure agents didn't wind up becoming their own great-great-great grandfather or something, so sterilization's a requirement for graduation.

[He tries not to focus too much on the pressure of Ianto's fingers, instead tipping his head a little into the warm breath rushing over his temple and cheek.]

They're half the reason it didn't come to anything. I'd only just figured out why I was feeling off for a couple weeks after talking to one of my girlfriends, who thankfully was nice enough to keep her mouth shut about it, when I got the offer to go to the Time Academy. I was already…[he sighs, trying to figure out the best way to explain the tangled thoughts and feelings of that screwed up boy, somehow even more screwed up than the man he'd eventually become in some ways.]

I did spend a couple weeks thinking about it. Didn't have a damn clue who the other genetic contributor was, but I could've found out if I wanted to, maybe asked if they'd pitch in. Started coming up with some harebrained ideas of how I'd make it work, knew it'd be rough but at least I'd have a family again, right? [he shakes his head, laughing a little.] Teenagers really don't change, they just get more ways to do reckless, stupid shite.

[He swallows, flexing his fingers against Ianto's.] But everyone was so proud when I got that offer, since I was the first one on the whole Peninsula the Agency recruited. And I told myself that hey, whenever I'm done with 'em, I can always get the whole process reversed. Might've, if I'd left through official channels instead of just stealing a ship when no one was looking. Still might, when I get to the century when they've got the process refined again. Dunno. Little far off to really think about it much. Hadn't thought about…the whole thing, much in a long time but something John mentioned about that guy, Simon--something he went through, I guess, 'long with all that 'getting kicked back to before I finished puberty' business got it all dredged up again, I guess.

[needmetodoanyattacking]

[Some of that cold knot in Ianto’s chest melts a little as Jack clarifies…well, as best as anyone can when discussing something painful and otherwise strange to someone like Ianto.

He shifts his grip on Jack’s hand a little, sliding their joined fingers to rest over his diaphragm rather than his belly, leans into Jack a little more as he turns his head into the flutter of Ianto’s breath across his cheek.]

A family’s not all in the genes, y’know—look at Channing. I know you do, gripe all you want but you’re fond of her. I can’t imagine making that choice myself, and whether or not you’ve got the same notions about having children now is moot: letting one go, medically or otherwise, is hard and you’ll not convince me of anything to the contrary.

[Ianto hesitates, because that much is unclear to him. If Jack made the choice he can live with, if he has regrets…if he’s longing for something or afraid Ianto wants something he’d rather avoid.

He’s not sure what to say to make himself understood—that Ianto is greedy for any part of Jack and John he can get. Any, all, every scrap.

Finally, he reaches for Jack’s chin and turns his head so Ianto can kiss him, soft and chaste.]

I stand by what I said…but you should also know that I’m happy. I’m…I never imagined I could have something like this, someone like you. And I’m here until the end, Jack. Anything more is always welcome, but the only thing that will ever cause me a sleepless night is less than this. Right here, right now—a life without you. As is, no changes.

[He smiles, stealing another kiss.]

Including the socks you can never remember to toss in the hamper.

[capthardness]

[Jack holds his tongue while Ianto talks, biting back the interjections and clarifications he wants to make at first. He's never really been sure how he felt about the whole business, because he's not sure how he was feeling about anything back then.

He does let out a soft laugh at the mention of Channing--Ianto's got him there, despite how jarring her appearance in his life had been at first. As much as he tries to run from any connection to his past, there's something comforting in knowing his wife's family kept going, in some way.

When Ianto kisses him, he melt into it happily and lets out a fuller laugh against his mouth at that comment about the socks.]

That goes both ways, you know. Never thought I'd actually give living with someone another go. Even tried to convince myself that when I did with John that the fact it was in a dream meant it wasn't really that serious.

[And they all know what bullshit that was, and even Jack knew it at the time, much as he didn't want to admit it to himself. Which was why he'd tried to make himself forget the whole thing even faster than he would have ordinarily.

Sighing, he curls a hand against Ianto's nape as he steals a quick kiss of his own.]

Think it bothered me more when I was married. Most the lies I had to tell Bess were pretty easy to rationalize, and I could give her enough half-truths that I didn't feel like I was actually deceiving her. But I couldn't exactly tell a woman I married in 1899 that the reason she wasn't getting pregnant was because I got fixed in the 51st century, all because of some job I wound up running away from. But it's probably knocking around because of that and…being reminded of why I was being quite so reckless as a teenager.

[Something he still hasn't told anyone about besides a man who died in 1941.

Shaking that away, he nuzzles at Ianto's jawline.]

I hadn't got it through my thick skull back then that I could be an orphan and still have a family. Took me way longer than it should have to pay attention to that lesson. [he presses a quick, open mouthed kiss to the hammering of Ianto's pulse at his throat] To realize I had it here.

[needmetodoanyattacking]

[The press of Jack’s mouth against his throat makes that pulse beat a little faster, but so does that admission.

To realize I had it here.

Ianto spent too long thinking he would never hear Jack say ‘I love you,’ but this…this is so much more. So much he never let himself fully want it, let himself be happy Jack had found something close with John.

For a second he’s back in Jack’s office, watching those beautiful blue eyes glow as he admits to being happy he was there. With Ianto.

Because he loves him.

Like that moment, he’s overcome with it—the sweet ache of being known and desired for his heart as well as his body, and he has to kiss Jack or he’ll die.

Gathering his face between his hands, Ianto kisses Jack because he can’t swallow him down. He kisses him because he can’t open his ribcage and draw Jack into himself to keep him safe, keep him forever.

He kisses Jack because he can’t communicate any of that with superficial, paltry words.]

[capthardness]

[Jack lets out a short noise of surprise as Ianto's mouth covers his, and almost simultaneously moves to press his free hand against Ianto's back to pull him as close as possible as he kisses Ianto back. And keeps kissing him, until he feels just a little dizzy and absolutely has to break away for breath.

Then he lets out a breathy laugh, grinning.]

Y'know, all this time I still somehow thought you were the one more freaked out over the idea of me sticking around.

['who said anything about relationships?' rings in his head. But he supposes it's not fair to Ianto to assume he hadn't changed his feelings about that, that he hasn't decided he wants more, not just sharing a bed or even a home, but--whatever he had with Lisa, or something close.

But has been, all this time. Hasn't been giving Ianto enough credit, kept thinking that Ianto saw him…not as harshly as lots of other people, but probably at least beliving him incapable of putting down those kinds of roots. Especially since he's presumably read everything all those old Torchwood agents wrote about him, a lot of it rumor or outright slander but some of it…very not.]

[needmetodoanyattacking]

[Those same words ring in Ianto’s memory as he tries to catch his breath around the crushing desire to drag Jack in again despite being just as dizzy from that lack or air. Words spoken with that last echo of anger still edging his loneliness and the desire he hadn’t even realized was growing in him. Too angry to let himself have more, too despondent to think it mattered…

Now he has Jack in his bed, sharing his home—another wonderful, beautiful man sharing his heart with both of them that he never would have met if not for Jack. Jack, who has been ready to kill for him, Jack who suffered two thousand years under Cardiff and wrapped him up in his arms when he awoke…Jack who has forgiven him even the blackest sins.

Ianto smiles softly, gently tangling both his hands in Jack’s hair.]

Yes, well—if you’d like the words, I’m officially saying something about a relationship.

[The smile melts into a grin as he pulls Jack in to kiss him again, breathing the rest against his mouth.]

You’re in one, mate—and you’ll have to die, permanently, to get out of it.

[Action spam; mid 2nd trimester]

[capthardness]

[Jack had been expecting a lot of his recurring nightmares to come back the moment he'd run those scans and hadn't just 'dealt with the situation'--the day he lost both his father and Gray, the HMS Hades, the orphanage -- but he hadn't expected old memories that weren't necessarily bad to dig their way out of the dusty corners of his mind. And it hasn't happened often, really just that memory of playing with Dad and Gray that had already come back, but tonight…

It takes him a few moments after he wakes up--silently, face dry and pulse pretty regular and without bolting up as much as he's physically capable of now, which tells him right off it probably wasn't a nightmare--to actually remember what he'd been dreaming about. It wasn't the play-by-play a lot of his dreams built from memories are, he knows that, just snapshots…

Mostly of a girl. A girl Rose's age with blue eyes instead of brown, but that wasn't what had made her memorable. No, it was the vacant expression in those eyes…and the lines on her face that made her look more like his great-grandmother than a teenager.

Valeria.

He'd almost forgotten her name, which hurts even if it's not nearly so much as when he can't immediately recall the name of an old lover, but at least it came back. And he's sure of it, remembers saying it--and more of the dream that woke him comes clear. It hadn't been the bad moments, racing through the village to rescue her after her father abandoned her to the monsters, holding her when he was sure they were both going to die, or even snapping at that asshole who made the tasteless quip about Jack's interest in 'older women'. No, it had been things like holding her hand to help her walk, kissing her cheek before they left…and the feeling of her too-light arms wrapping around him right after.

He's surprised to feel himself smiling as he remembers all of it, even as he realizes that poor girl whose life had just been beginning is probably dead by now. That day was probably the first time he'd honestly felt like he'd done some measure of good by a stranger for no reason other than they deserved it. He's equally surprised to find himself getting so lost in memory that he's scarcely aware of anything else in the present without feeling the need to claw himself out.]

[needmetodoanyattacking]

[When the three of them started sharing a bed more often, once they all found their favorite places John and Ianto somehow ended up usually holding hands when they slept with Jack between them. They would each fling an arm around him, somehow meet in the middle, and it was stupidly romantic.

Later, it became stupidly useful: when one of them would have a nightmare, they could reassure each other—and when Jack had one they could rouse each other.

Tonight is no exception: they’re all in the Beacons, their fingers are tangled on Jack’s chest, and Ianto is roused by John’s thumb pressing gently between two of his knuckles.

Leaving his face pressed to Jack’s shoulder, he squeezes back in silent question. John answers by switching to tracing his knuckles instead—nothing urgent then.

Groggily, Ianto lifts his head and peers at Jack’s face. He’s wide awake and smiling, but it’s not quite bright enough to be reassuring.

Glancing at John, who shakes his head—clueless, nothing he’s seen before—Ianto leans in to kiss the edge of Jack’s jaw, his hand sliding out of John’s to briefly resting on Jack’s belly like a touchstone, making sure that bulge of life is still there, their daughter still safe and growing.]

You should be sleeping. Troublemaker—everything all right ‘year?

[capthardness]

[Jack blinks at the sensation of lips on his skin, though it's the less familiar touch of fingertips to his no longer flat stomach that snaps him fully back to the present, to realize they were Ianto's lips touching his face.

His expression clears, the boy who had cared for a girl who had her future stolen away in an instant falling back into the past where he belongs. He's still smiling, though it shrinks to something almost embarrassed as he's hit with the reminder of just how much attention John and Ianto are paying to him at all times, now.]

I was [he says, softly] Don't think I've been awake that long. Just..woke up from a good dream for once, someone I hadn't thought about in awhile, guess I got lost thinking about her again. I'm fine.

[Which is at least mostly-true, even as he finds he's also thinking about how he'll one day be the only person in the universe who remembers Valeria, if he isn't already. And while that's true for lots of other people, for some reason his mind's particularly hung up on in regards for a girl he only knew for one day and who never said a single word to him.]

[needmetodoanyattacking]

Liar--but we speak Jack-ese, s'ok.

[John grins as he says it, shifting up to nuzzle Jack's temple. Ianto bumps his head against the other side of Jack's in agreement.

They know he's not okay, but he's not upset.

Ianto scoots so he can prop his head up in one hand and keep his hand comfortably on Jack's stomach. There's a strangeness to the curve he presses his palm against absently--and he wonders if John remembers when the baby will start kicking. Maybe he's feeling a tiny foot...]

Feel like sharing? You have so few good dreams--s'ok if you want to keep it to yourself. You're allowed.

[John agrees, emphatically, by setting his head on Jack's shoulder, and reaching across him to run his fingers along Ianto's forearm as far as he can reach without moving from his spot.]

[capthardness]

[Jack rolls his eyes at John's comment, but he's still smiling. He's not sure if he'd have even considered sharing this memory at another time--knowing how John in particular feels about the Doctor, even if that rage has tempered, he'd hesitate on mentioning anything where he was involved even if Rose was too--but for some reason, now, he's actually mulling it over. Figuring how to explain it without going into too much detail about the danger his then-mortal self had been in during the whole ordeal.

It's something about the weight of Ianto's hand against his stomach--having a distinctly different body shape and musculature from the majority of people capable of being in his 'situation', not to mention never letting it reach this point before, has made it rather difficult for him to decipher if anything he's felt in the last week or two is anything more than the occasional lingering stomach upset or his organs getting shoved out of position as the baby grows,-but he'll save discussing that matter for after he's told them what he can. What he wants to, and is pretty sure he's sorted out at least one reason.

He takes another moment to figure out where to start, before tipping his head against John's with a softer smile.]

It was back when I was traveling with Rose. [he starts, softly. He knows by then that both of them know that also means 'and the Doctor', even if Ianto's only heard about Rose which is a damn shame.] Just a bit after we met, we wound up in this little village in Russia, sometime in the late 20th or early 21st century, can't quite remember now. Got sucked in by the usual alien bollocks, ordinary day for me even then. Maybe wouldn't have remembered it much after all this time but…

[he swallows, though his smile doesn't dim and his eyes are still dry, voice still soft but not constricted by emotion] There was this girl. Valeria. 'Bout the age Rose was, maybe a little younger--nineteen, I think. But she didn't look it. The stuff that was going on…pretty much in an instant, she'd gone from looking like any teenage girl, to--someone's great-grandmother. Worse, because…she was virtually catatonic. She could walk, if you helped her along, but she couldn't talk or do anything for herself. If you sat her down somewhere, she'd just stay there, no matter what hell was breaking loose around her. When we found her, I went off the military guys we'd run into, following them to where they said the whole--thing had gone down, and they tried to tell me to just leave her for dead. Give you three guesses to how that went, first two don't count.

[needmetodoanyattacking]

[The unspoken presence of the Doctor in this story…Ianto has to glance over at John.

Yep. His gaze has grown distant, his arm sliding across Jack’s chest—and a muscle in his lovely chiseled jaw is twitching. At least holding Jack seems to be a good touchstone, leaving him otherwise relaxed in his spot burrowed against Jack’s side.

Meanwhile, as Jack speaks—yeah, hearing about the Doctor makes him mad, but he’s more focused on the time. He’s pulled back to his own dealings with the Russians, both in Vietnam and Afghanistan, and picturing Jack in any piece of that hellscape upsets him.

Especially when he talks about the girl, Valeria. Thankfully, Jack gets mouthy and makes John smile.]

Black eyes? Or broken bones?

[Ianto huffs a laugh at that.]

Maybe he addressed the situation in a calm, level headed—shitebollocksyoubastard!

[John just grins, one leg thrown across both of Jack’s so he can press his frigid toes against Ianto’s calf, as Ianto flinches away cursing a blue streak.]

[capthardness]

[Jack doesn't have to look at John's face to know that just the barest facts of the story so far are getting to John. He expected that, which is a good part of why he's going to avoid anything that isn't necessary. Still, he doesn't get the chance to get hung up worrying, and he can't help laughing as he realizes what John's done to Ianto. It's a short, soft laugh, but genuine. Which, he hopes, will reassure both of them a little more that despite--everything about that day, it really isn't a memory that hurts nearly as much as some that are superficially a lot less tragic.

After a moment, he clears his throat]

Neither, at that moment. I just got her to her feet. Another guy who got smart at me, made a comment about my taste in 'older women'? He got a verbal assault I wish I'd been able to record. Not that I didn't want to break his nose, but unfortunately needed him around. And he did help me later, when we had to evacuate the town and…

[he draws in a slow breath, as he fully acknowledges a good part of why he's thinking of Valeria now. But having John and Ianto pressed against him keeps that rage and sorrow from pulling him under]

Her father left her behind. [he says, only a little of that remembered anger slipping into his voice] On purpose. Didn't see the point in taking care of her, the way she was, so he thought it would be better to leave her for literal monsters . So of course I went to get her. Which involved a couple brushes with tentacles that were a lot less pleasant than most I've had, and getting my shirt a little singed. Would've been worse, but Rose saved our hides by getting into a damn bulldozer.

[He knows John will appreciate that image, and won't be at all surprised by it either.] Couple assholes still took her captive to get at me, but we got it all sorted. Besides…fixing what happened to her. Couldn't do anything about that. But at least her father realized what a selfish ass he'd been, by the time we had to leave. Hope he kept his word that he'd take care of her, for however long he had to.

[needmetodoanyattacking]

[John smiles at Jack when he mentions Rose and the bulldozer—yeah, that’s her. It’s so painfully Rose that it aches, and even knowing she’s alive and okay isn’t enough for a couple seconds. Not when he can remember the carnival in the Dreamscape, teaching her to beat the rigged shooting gallery and going swimming after…

They both understand the part that’s hitting Jack hard in the here and the now—but Ianto not only beats John to the punch, he improves on the suggestion John was about to make.]

Valerian Jones. That should be the baby’s name—Jones is common enough to protect her, and we can change the pronunciation later. Silent ‘n’ if she truly is a girl, pronounce it if we end up with a son, and ‘Val’ is a good gender neutral option. John can pick the middle name.

[capthardness]

[Of course Jack's not shocked they both pick up on why he's thinking of Valeria now, his subconscious is no more subtle than he is. But he is a little surprised by how quickly Ianto goes a step further with it.

He blinks, mulling it over for just a second before he tips his head to grin at Ianto, much closer to his usually bright smile than the faintly-dazed one he'd had when he first woke up thinking of that poor girl]

Better than the first thing that came to my mind, considering I remember when Vivian was still a fairly common name for boys and that's a little more difficult to twist about in this century, if it comes to that.

[then he turns his gaze back to John] Any thoughts?

[theydrewfirstblood]

[John loves it--of course he loves it. Granted, he'd wanted to suggest Bridget more than once, but he's not sure if that would hurt Jack or not.

He thinks, briefly, of his mother, or of Co--but some small part of him doesn't want to leave his mark on this baby. Jack and Ianto are better men than him, he'd only taint the kid with--

Ianto suddenly reaches over and flicks him in the forehead, making him wince.]

Stop it, John. Whatever you're specifically thinking, stop it. You're not getting down on yourself, not while we're naming the baby.

[John laughs a little, then sighs and...

...well, shit. He's a fucking moron.

Grinning, he meets Jack's gaze.]

Rose. Valerian Rose Jones.

[capthardness]

[Jack notices that brief moment when John's mind goes to a place he's pretty familiar with, even if he doesn't know the exact lay of the land in this case, but it doesn't last long enough for him to actually get that worried, thanks to Ianto.

Then that darkness leaves John's face, which would lift Jack's spirits no matter the reason, but…
He grins right back, feeling none of the sorrow he might have in another moment at the reminder of two girls he'd never see again.]

Sounds fantastic. [he leans in to kiss John, brief and almost-chaste, then turns to do the same to Ianto.]

[needmetodoanyattacking]

[John and Ianto both kiss him back, then impulsively Ianto shifts to lean down and kiss Jack’s belly.]

Well hello to you, Valerian Rose, my sweet little—

[His lips just press to the spot his hand had been before, then jerks back like he’s been burned, fingers flying to his lips. John is immediately on alert, eyes wide.]

Ian?…

[Ianto blinks, then scowls at Jack’s stomach, pointing accusingly at the small distortion to the bulge of Jack’s stomach.]

Our unborn bloody daughter kicked me in the face. Right in the mouth.

[capthardness]

[Jack manages to suppress his smile the moment he realizes what's happened, but gives up on even trying once Ianto practically glowers at his stomach.

Grinning, he turns to John] Guess you should take that as a warning [he says, half-laughing] And at least that confirms I've felt her poking around a couple times over the last week or so.

[needmetodoanyattacking]

[John's eyes are wide, could be called frightened if not for the massive grin stretching even his perpetually crooked mouth wide. Reaching out, he lays a hand over the spot where Ianto had pressed his mouth, and after a minute his breath catches.]

Holy shit, that's a foot. [He breathes the words reverently, staring at his own hand.] That's a little goddamn foot right there...

[Ianto settles back to tuck himself against Jack's side, head propped in his hand again with a smile of his own.]

Getting beat up by my own unborn child is almost worth it to see John here get sappy over baby kicks.

[John flips off Ianto good-naturedly, then leans over to press a kiss of his own to the tiny swell of a foot pressing against Jack's belly.]

Watch. She's gonna be a swimmer like Ian, with legs like that.

[capthardness]

[Jack laughs softly at Ianto's commentary and John's silent response, but is otherwise silent as he watches and feels John and their daughter really interacting with each other for the first time. He honestly hadn't thought about the possibility of anyone else being able to feel any of the strange fluttering sensations he'd been experiencing for at least a few more weeks, but considering Owen's comment about her being a little ahead of schedule compared to most babies in the 21st century it makes sense.

It's still surreal, and makes it all feel that much more wonderfully, terrifyingly real.

John's commentary keeps him from even coming close to falling into fear and melancholy, though, and he grins as he reaches to idly brush some of those dark waves away from John's forehead.]

'Least you two aren't going to be getting the full impact of her testing out all her parts. Can't say I'm too excited to find out what it's like to get kicked in the ribs from the inside once she's got a bit more weight to put into it. [but he's still smiling as he says it, so…yeah, he's not exactly upset by the prospect either.]

[needmetodoanyattacking]

S’ok—you take the gut and kidney shots now, we’ll take more of the diaper duty.

[John is still smiling when he says it—despite the fact that Ianto throws a leg across Jack’s to kick him, which just makes John laugh.]

Oi! I’ll thank you not to promise out me changing nappies.

[John raises an eyebrow with a smirk.]

It’s not too far along for sex, y’know. I make Jack the right promise and he’ll help me pin you down.

[Ianto just laughs, leaning down to kiss Jack soundly.]

Whatever he promises you, I’ll do it harder and dirtier.

[capthardness]

[Jack had been about to make some comment about how he's pretty sure Toby will volunteer herself to help out with that plenty, given how he's seen her acting with Zia, and the fact she's been willing to help with just about anything if it doesn't involve cooking or getting submerged, but then Ianto's kissing him and--

Well, he doesn't lose all language, but quite a lot of it. Pretty much anything unrelated to getting either or both of his boyfriends to have their way with him, honestly. He'd thought it was pretty much impossible for his sex drive to increase past his usual baseline, but the last couple weeks have really proven him wrong on that count.

He manages a breathy laugh as he returns Ianto's kiss.]

I'd ask if you really wanna make that promise considering, but I've got enough firsthand experience to know you're not all talk. [he tips his head to look at John again, grinning] But I know both of you can give my creativity a challenge in that department.

[action spam, a few days after his text conversation with Jones]

[capthardness]

[While he's been understandably more than a bit on edge since his conversation with Jones, Jack's been >trying to act like nothing's wrong so he might actually be able to get Ianto to relax a little and talk to him about whatever's going on.

On top of that, even all the worries Jones planted in his head along with all the ones that are usually knocking around in his head, Jack is still himself and these last seven months have been the longest he's gone in decades without going into the field and he's getting more than a bit restless and not just because of the tiny feet and elbows that interrupt his sleep on a regular basis.

So for once he's actually trying to plow through paperwork to give his mind something to do, but even when trying to use it as a distraction it's still mind numbing, so he's also been futzing about with that 'smart phone' Ianto setup for him when he'd regressed back to his boyhood, and among other interesting discoveries has found several productions of a charmingly bizarre German musical he'd actually seen way back when it premiered in…1992? Somewhere around there. And brushing up on his German--along with hoping that maybe the slow, soft rhythm of a few of the songs might get a certain, not-so-little someone to settle down while he's working--actually is helping him focus and not think so very much about Ianto.

He was pleased to find more than a few productions with pretty good subtitles, but he's got his phone far enough away that he can't look over to them, seeing if he can follow the plot still and how much he can remember to let him sing along here and there. He's not all that surprise to realize he can recall more of Sisi's words than the others, and the fact Pia's voice has definitely gotten better with age doesn't hurt and makes it pleasant to sing along, softly but clear, as he works.]

"Was andre wichtig finden, zählt nicht für mich…Doch ich hab' ja dich…"

[English subtitled video, German-English side by side lyrics]

[needmetodoanyattacking]

[Ianto has to admit: he’s proud of Jack. Even amidst the worry, he’s impressed with the fact that he’s actually used the restless energy of riding the desk to actually ride the desk. Gray set aside an office for Jack in the Con-G which he’s actually been using, and not just to plot office mischief.

At least a couple times a day, Ianto brings Jack coffee or the teas Annie says won’t hurt Val, and seven times out of ten he’s catching up on paperwork. Owen’s even phoned to inform him that Whitehall has been in touch to find out if Jack was all right because his reports were being filed.

Today is one of the days Jack is working instead of playing chess with himself or some such, but when Ianto reaches the door he’s surprised to hear music…music and singing.

He’s caught Jack singing before, without tipping him off. Errant moments of spying in the stables a bit before announcing his presence, even a couple of nights it was just the two of them in bed and he was feigning sleep while Jack sang softly to their unborn child. This is different.

He hovers in the doorway for a moment, listening to Jack, watching him—enchanted. His voice is good, but like this, more at full volume with real effort it’s wonderful. And in German no less…

He finally enters the office and sets Jack’s cup of coffee down, smiling softly as he tries to peer at Jack’s smart phone.]

That’s brilliant. What is that? German, I recognize a couple words, but I’ve never heard that melody before…

[capthardness]

[Jack glances up briefly when the door opens to see who's checking in on him this time, but doesn't pause his soft singing until Ianto actually comes over. Both because he's really trying not to worry about his partner, or at least not show that worry, and because he's pleased with how little he's stumbled over the words.

But at Ianto's inquiry, he lifts his head all the way with a soft smile]

Not surprising. Unless you're a really big musical buff or interested in particular points in Austrian history, it's pretty obscure outside of Germany. And Japan, for reasons I haven't quite figured out.

[he shrugs, turning his gaze to the phone where Franz Joseph is just putting that expensive, heavy necklace on Sisi's neck] Really long story short, it's about the life of the second-to-last Empress of Austria and Hungary and her relationship with either the actual, physical embodiment of Death or a manifestation of her pretty tragic life that just happens to wear a lot of glitter and tight pants in a lot of productions.

[needmetodoanyattacking]

Oooh, tight pants you say?...

[He moves closer, as if to try and catch a peek of Death and what he might be packing--but instead just bends to kiss the curve of Jack's neck before settling to lean against the back of his chair, watching the performance for a quiet moment.]

Tempted to research--see if maybe those Resurrection Gauntlets ever made their way out of the country. After all, we've seen the bugger and there was a definite lack of glitter or tight pants.

[He leans in a little, squinting at the subtitles. He can read them just fine, they're simply, slightly hard to focus on.

His vision is red again.

He starts running through the plan in his head to try and get the color cast to fade, hands sliding over Jack's shoulders to otherwise distract himself.]

I need to work on my German--there a full version of this thing with subtitles? We could watch it on the big telly some night John's up here with us. He'd enjoy it, I think.

[needmetodoanyattacking]

Oh, we can give you more 'n that.

[John grins, and it sets off a flutter in the pit of Ianto's stomach--equal parts fear and anticipation.

He just sits and watches as John takes a turn, bowing his head to kiss Jack, slower and softer than Ianto--and absolutely filthy, making Ianto's breath catch imagining John using that gorgeous tongue to open him up for a nice, long, slow fuck.

John breaks the kiss, running a hand through Jack's hair with that same scary yet exciting smile.]

Y'know, we have ourselves a real bossy dom here in ol' Ian...what would you say if I told you I had half a mind to make him beg 'n let you watch me do it?

[...and just like that, Ianto's mouth goes bone dry as he looks between the pair of them for all of three seconds before leaning across Jack to grab John by the hair and kiss him breathless.]

[capthardness]

[Jack snorts softly] We'd probably need to set it up to skip a couple numbers. Despite the fantastical elements, they actually did stick to most of the facts of her reign and some of those can be…unpleasant even when you know about them going in. Woman in the mid-19th century who wasn't real keen on adhering to court etiquette, even if the rest of her life had been all roses she would've been pretty unhappy.

[and of course he's not mentioning two of the biggest things that made her unhappy. He's glad he still remembered the beats well enough to know when that first visit to Hungary was coming so he could jump past it.

He'd been able to handle that one song with Rudolf as a boy, but he's pretty sure it'd hit some hard nerves for John and Ianto that don't need the abuse right now. And while he can't quite say why, he feels a lot more sure of that assessment as Ianto's palms smooth over his shoulders in a way that doesn't feel quite like casual affection.]

It's all worth it for seeing a real hot physical manifestation of death groping the Crown Prince of Austria. [he says with a grin, hoping to break through or past whatever's bothering Ianto.] Who had a pretty questionable mustache that takes away from his looks a tad, but unfortunately it was pretty tame compared to the facial some other men in that time were sporting, like his father. Or me, and I'm only admitting to that since I know you've seen all the photos I couldn't stop them putting in my files.

[needmetodoanyattacking]

You’re the only man in existence that can make mutton chops look sexy.

[Leaning over to kiss Jack’s neck, Ianto finally manages to blink away the crimson haze over his vision and lingers there, kissing his jaw, his temple, leaving his nose pressed to Jack’s hair for a moment.

Jack, warm and alive. Smiling and teasing. Singing. Their child safe inside him, probably kicking him in the large intestines.

He needs the reminder, because he knows most of the history of Elisabeth—and those of her unfortunate children.]

Watching some homoerotic numbers with Death and an adult child should be fine, but…if the early lives of her children are accurately portrayed, we’ll have to skip more than a few numbers if we don’t want our boyfriend to throw his knife into the telly.

[capthardness]

[Jack snorts softly] Not to discourage your flattery, but even I admit that was a terrible look. It just looked less terrible on me than pretty much anyone else.
[He can't help tripping into Ianto's touch, even if he can still feel that edge of tension of unknown origin running under the surface. Any other time, he might feel safe in asking what's going on, but now…

Now, he's happy to let Ianto do what he's done so often and talk around the elephant, until it actually becomes a danger to others]

Why am I not surprised you actually knew something about her? [he grins, clearly pleased. He always forgets how much knowledge Ianto's gathered, not just about Torchwood but so many other things, in such a relatively short amount of time.]

It is…mostly accurate, if highly dramatized. They just show the reactions to what happened to her eldest, and Rudolf has a heartbreaking little solo when he's a boy about her being away so much, and what happened at Mayerling is shown in a lot more detail. Nothing graphic, more like ballet, but it's still--not something I've been comfortable seeing for a couple years now.

[Ianto might not have seen what happened taht New Years Eve like John, but Jack still knows he doesn't have to explain--especially since he had to write the damn report.

He's pleased to find his throat doesn't tighten with too much grief at even a sideways mention of Alex, and his soft smile is actually genuine] Mostly I've been listening to it to see if my German's still half-decent, and music helps to keep someone from kicking my ribs so much if I sit still for more than an hour.

[needmetodoanyattacking]

[Ianto meets his smile with one of his own, wondering if he will ever get used to that: the dazzling sense of triumph that comes from impressing Jack Harkness. It made the work bearable when Lisa was still in his care, worth returning to when she was gone, and his world when he started sleeping with Jack.

Him, a delinquent and a nobody from Cardiff’s fringes, holding the regard of a powerful, charismatic, bloody gorgeous man—a hero. He’s not sure he will ever get over it much less get used to it—and that’s without the whole second gorgeous boyfriend and a baby on the way.

Ianto stoops properly to hug Jack around the shoulders from behind. This time, when his vision turns red, it doesn’t upset him as much—not when Jack is in his arms and he knows he’s ready for what’s coming.]

I was thinking more about her mother in law and the children—but that as well.

[He pauses to lean over Jack’s shoulder a little, dropping a hand to rest on his stomach.]

And you be nice. I’m the only father you should be assaulting.

[A tiny foot immediately bumps against his palm through skin, making him laugh.]

That’s a good girl. Smack your tad, not your daddy.

[capthardness]

[Jack moans into John's mouth, and when the kiss breaks he tips his head into the fingers raking through his hair as he catches his breath, lips parted and glistening as he looks up at John.
His breath is taken away all over again at John's proposition, and he's still trying to formulate a response when Ianto pulls John in for a very hot kiss of his own.

That renders Jack speechless for several more long moments before he licks his lips, swallowing a couple times before he can trust himself to actually say something mostly-coherent]

I'd say that I'd like to see that very, very much. [he finally manages, voice clear if rough with desire]