[Some of that cold knot in Ianto’s chest melts a little as Jack clarifies…well, as best as anyone can when discussing something painful and otherwise strange to someone like Ianto.
He shifts his grip on Jack’s hand a little, sliding their joined fingers to rest over his diaphragm rather than his belly, leans into Jack a little more as he turns his head into the flutter of Ianto’s breath across his cheek.]
A family’s not all in the genes, y’know—look at Channing. I know you do, gripe all you want but you’re fond of her. I can’t imagine making that choice myself, and whether or not you’ve got the same notions about having children now is moot: letting one go, medically or otherwise, is hard and you’ll not convince me of anything to the contrary.
[Ianto hesitates, because that much is unclear to him. If Jack made the choice he can live with, if he has regrets…if he’s longing for something or afraid Ianto wants something he’d rather avoid.
He’s not sure what to say to make himself understood—that Ianto is greedy for any part of Jack and John he can get. Any, all, every scrap.
Finally, he reaches for Jack’s chin and turns his head so Ianto can kiss him, soft and chaste.]
I stand by what I said…but you should also know that I’m happy. I’m…I never imagined I could have something like this, someone like you. And I’m here until the end, Jack. Anything more is always welcome, but the only thing that will ever cause me a sleepless night is less than this. Right here, right now—a life without you. As is, no changes.
[He smiles, stealing another kiss.]
Including the socks you can never remember to toss in the hamper.
[Jack holds his tongue while Ianto talks, biting back the interjections and clarifications he wants to make at first. He's never really been sure how he felt about the whole business, because he's not sure how he was feeling about anything back then.
He does let out a soft laugh at the mention of Channing--Ianto's got him there, despite how jarring her appearance in his life had been at first. As much as he tries to run from any connection to his past, there's something comforting in knowing his wife's family kept going, in some way.
When Ianto kisses him, he melt into it happily and lets out a fuller laugh against his mouth at that comment about the socks.]
That goes both ways, you know. Never thought I'd actually give living with someone another go. Even tried to convince myself that when I did with John that the fact it was in a dream meant it wasn't really that serious.
[And they all know what bullshit that was, and even Jack knew it at the time, much as he didn't want to admit it to himself. Which was why he'd tried to make himself forget the whole thing even faster than he would have ordinarily.
Sighing, he curls a hand against Ianto's nape as he steals a quick kiss of his own.]
Think it bothered me more when I was married. Most the lies I had to tell Bess were pretty easy to rationalize, and I could give her enough half-truths that I didn't feel like I was actually deceiving her. But I couldn't exactly tell a woman I married in 1899 that the reason she wasn't getting pregnant was because I got fixed in the 51st century, all because of some job I wound up running away from. But it's probably knocking around because of that and…being reminded of why I was being quite so reckless as a teenager.
[Something he still hasn't told anyone about besides a man who died in 1941.
Shaking that away, he nuzzles at Ianto's jawline.]
I hadn't got it through my thick skull back then that I could be an orphan and still have a family. Took me way longer than it should have to pay attention to that lesson. [he presses a quick, open mouthed kiss to the hammering of Ianto's pulse at his throat] To realize I had it here.
[The press of Jack’s mouth against his throat makes that pulse beat a little faster, but so does that admission.
To realize I had it here.
Ianto spent too long thinking he would never hear Jack say ‘I love you,’ but this…this is so much more. So much he never let himself fully want it, let himself be happy Jack had found something close with John.
For a second he’s back in Jack’s office, watching those beautiful blue eyes glow as he admits to being happy he was there. With Ianto.
Because he loves him.
Like that moment, he’s overcome with it—the sweet ache of being known and desired for his heart as well as his body, and he has to kiss Jack or he’ll die.
Gathering his face between his hands, Ianto kisses Jack because he can’t swallow him down. He kisses him because he can’t open his ribcage and draw Jack into himself to keep him safe, keep him forever.
He kisses Jack because he can’t communicate any of that with superficial, paltry words.]
[Jack lets out a short noise of surprise as Ianto's mouth covers his, and almost simultaneously moves to press his free hand against Ianto's back to pull him as close as possible as he kisses Ianto back. And keeps kissing him, until he feels just a little dizzy and absolutely has to break away for breath.
Then he lets out a breathy laugh, grinning.]
Y'know, all this time I still somehow thought you were the one more freaked out over the idea of me sticking around.
['who said anything about relationships?' rings in his head. But he supposes it's not fair to Ianto to assume he hadn't changed his feelings about that, that he hasn't decided he wants more, not just sharing a bed or even a home, but--whatever he had with Lisa, or something close.
But has been, all this time. Hasn't been giving Ianto enough credit, kept thinking that Ianto saw him…not as harshly as lots of other people, but probably at least beliving him incapable of putting down those kinds of roots. Especially since he's presumably read everything all those old Torchwood agents wrote about him, a lot of it rumor or outright slander but some of it…very not.]
[Those same words ring in Ianto’s memory as he tries to catch his breath around the crushing desire to drag Jack in again despite being just as dizzy from that lack or air. Words spoken with that last echo of anger still edging his loneliness and the desire he hadn’t even realized was growing in him. Too angry to let himself have more, too despondent to think it mattered…
Now he has Jack in his bed, sharing his home—another wonderful, beautiful man sharing his heart with both of them that he never would have met if not for Jack. Jack, who has been ready to kill for him, Jack who suffered two thousand years under Cardiff and wrapped him up in his arms when he awoke…Jack who has forgiven him even the blackest sins.
Ianto smiles softly, gently tangling both his hands in Jack’s hair.]
Yes, well—if you’d like the words, I’m officially saying something about a relationship.
[The smile melts into a grin as he pulls Jack in to kiss him again, breathing the rest against his mouth.]
You’re in one, mate—and you’ll have to die, permanently, to get out of it.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2023-11-27 12:09 am (UTC)He shifts his grip on Jack’s hand a little, sliding their joined fingers to rest over his diaphragm rather than his belly, leans into Jack a little more as he turns his head into the flutter of Ianto’s breath across his cheek.]
A family’s not all in the genes, y’know—look at Channing. I know you do, gripe all you want but you’re fond of her. I can’t imagine making that choice myself, and whether or not you’ve got the same notions about having children now is moot: letting one go, medically or otherwise, is hard and you’ll not convince me of anything to the contrary.
[Ianto hesitates, because that much is unclear to him. If Jack made the choice he can live with, if he has regrets…if he’s longing for something or afraid Ianto wants something he’d rather avoid.
He’s not sure what to say to make himself understood—that Ianto is greedy for any part of Jack and John he can get. Any, all, every scrap.
Finally, he reaches for Jack’s chin and turns his head so Ianto can kiss him, soft and chaste.]
I stand by what I said…but you should also know that I’m happy. I’m…I never imagined I could have something like this, someone like you. And I’m here until the end, Jack. Anything more is always welcome, but the only thing that will ever cause me a sleepless night is less than this. Right here, right now—a life without you. As is, no changes.
[He smiles, stealing another kiss.]
Including the socks you can never remember to toss in the hamper.
no subject
Date: 2023-11-27 01:36 am (UTC)He does let out a soft laugh at the mention of Channing--Ianto's got him there, despite how jarring her appearance in his life had been at first. As much as he tries to run from any connection to his past, there's something comforting in knowing his wife's family kept going, in some way.
When Ianto kisses him, he melt into it happily and lets out a fuller laugh against his mouth at that comment about the socks.]
That goes both ways, you know. Never thought I'd actually give living with someone another go. Even tried to convince myself that when I did with John that the fact it was in a dream meant it wasn't really that serious.
[And they all know what bullshit that was, and even Jack knew it at the time, much as he didn't want to admit it to himself. Which was why he'd tried to make himself forget the whole thing even faster than he would have ordinarily.
Sighing, he curls a hand against Ianto's nape as he steals a quick kiss of his own.]
Think it bothered me more when I was married. Most the lies I had to tell Bess were pretty easy to rationalize, and I could give her enough half-truths that I didn't feel like I was actually deceiving her. But I couldn't exactly tell a woman I married in 1899 that the reason she wasn't getting pregnant was because I got fixed in the 51st century, all because of some job I wound up running away from. But it's probably knocking around because of that and…being reminded of why I was being quite so reckless as a teenager.
[Something he still hasn't told anyone about besides a man who died in 1941.
Shaking that away, he nuzzles at Ianto's jawline.]
I hadn't got it through my thick skull back then that I could be an orphan and still have a family. Took me way longer than it should have to pay attention to that lesson. [he presses a quick, open mouthed kiss to the hammering of Ianto's pulse at his throat] To realize I had it here.
no subject
Date: 2023-11-27 03:59 am (UTC)To realize I had it here.
Ianto spent too long thinking he would never hear Jack say ‘I love you,’ but this…this is so much more. So much he never let himself fully want it, let himself be happy Jack had found something close with John.
For a second he’s back in Jack’s office, watching those beautiful blue eyes glow as he admits to being happy he was there. With Ianto.
Because he loves him.
Like that moment, he’s overcome with it—the sweet ache of being known and desired for his heart as well as his body, and he has to kiss Jack or he’ll die.
Gathering his face between his hands, Ianto kisses Jack because he can’t swallow him down. He kisses him because he can’t open his ribcage and draw Jack into himself to keep him safe, keep him forever.
He kisses Jack because he can’t communicate any of that with superficial, paltry words.]
no subject
Date: 2023-12-01 12:38 am (UTC)Then he lets out a breathy laugh, grinning.]
Y'know, all this time I still somehow thought you were the one more freaked out over the idea of me sticking around.
['who said anything about relationships?' rings in his head. But he supposes it's not fair to Ianto to assume he hadn't changed his feelings about that, that he hasn't decided he wants more, not just sharing a bed or even a home, but--whatever he had with Lisa, or something close.
But has been, all this time. Hasn't been giving Ianto enough credit, kept thinking that Ianto saw him…not as harshly as lots of other people, but probably at least beliving him incapable of putting down those kinds of roots. Especially since he's presumably read everything all those old Torchwood agents wrote about him, a lot of it rumor or outright slander but some of it…very not.]
no subject
Date: 2023-12-01 12:50 am (UTC)Now he has Jack in his bed, sharing his home—another wonderful, beautiful man sharing his heart with both of them that he never would have met if not for Jack. Jack, who has been ready to kill for him, Jack who suffered two thousand years under Cardiff and wrapped him up in his arms when he awoke…Jack who has forgiven him even the blackest sins.
Ianto smiles softly, gently tangling both his hands in Jack’s hair.]
Yes, well—if you’d like the words, I’m officially saying something about a relationship.
[The smile melts into a grin as he pulls Jack in to kiss him again, breathing the rest against his mouth.]
You’re in one, mate—and you’ll have to die, permanently, to get out of it.