[The dreams had started the night after that red haired man--Simon--showed up. At first Jack hadn't been able to figure them out, because unlike a lot of his dreams they weren't literal recreations of his memories. They were, he supposed, more like 'normal' dreams; pieces of things that had happened jumbled together into a generally nonsensical mess as his brain sorted through its contents. And to be fair to his brain, it had a whole lot more to try and sort through than most other sentient creatures.
They weren't bad dreams, really. More confusing than anything else, because it kept feeling like there was a common thread but he couldn't figure it out at first, let alone why they kept repeating. Not in the same order, or at least he didn't think so, but still the same scenes: An empty room in the house he'd dared to call a home with Bess. The transport ship that got him home after the first time he enlisted. His bunk at the Time Academy dormitory. A mostly-empty storage building behind the orphanage.
The odd thing, especially for Jack, was the lack of any threat in any of those places. There should have been some monster lurking there--the ones who attacked Boeshane, something he'd dealt with when he was at the Agency, anything. But there wasn't. He was always alone, just sitting or standing there, when he'd rarely been that still in any of his lives.
They haven't been unsettling enough to have him bolting out of bed in a cold sweat or anything, but he has been spending quite a while awake trying to figure out what the hell is going on, trying to be quiet to keep from waking Ianto. Tonight, though, even though the dreams weren't any different, almost as soon as he wakes up Jack thinks he's finally figured out what the hell his brain has been chewing on. And it's so stupid and obvious that he barely holds back a growl of frustration before standing up, intending to head to the kitchen to do…something to distract himself until he can at least feign sleep for a bit longer.]
[Jack had been expecting a lot of his recurring nightmares to come back the moment he'd run those scans and hadn't just 'dealt with the situation'--the day he lost both his father and Gray, the HMS Hades, the orphanage -- but he hadn't expected old memories that weren't necessarily bad to dig their way out of the dusty corners of his mind. And it hasn't happened often, really just that memory of playing with Dad and Gray that had already come back, but tonight…
It takes him a few moments after he wakes up--silently, face dry and pulse pretty regular and without bolting up as much as he's physically capable of now, which tells him right off it probably wasn't a nightmare--to actually remember what he'd been dreaming about. It wasn't the play-by-play a lot of his dreams built from memories are, he knows that, just snapshots…
Mostly of a girl. A girl Rose's age with blue eyes instead of brown, but that wasn't what had made her memorable. No, it was the vacant expression in those eyes…and the lines on her face that made her look more like his great-grandmother than a teenager.
Valeria.
He'd almost forgotten her name, which hurts even if it's not nearly so much as when he can't immediately recall the name of an old lover, but at least it came back. And he's sure of it, remembers saying it--and more of the dream that woke him comes clear. It hadn't been the bad moments, racing through the village to rescue her after her father abandoned her to the monsters, holding her when he was sure they were both going to die, or even snapping at that asshole who made the tasteless quip about Jack's interest in 'older women'. No, it had been things like holding her hand to help her walk, kissing her cheek before they left…and the feeling of her too-light arms wrapping around him right after.
He's surprised to feel himself smiling as he remembers all of it, even as he realizes that poor girl whose life had just been beginning is probably dead by now. That day was probably the first time he'd honestly felt like he'd done some measure of good by a stranger for no reason other than they deserved it. He's equally surprised to find himself getting so lost in memory that he's scarcely aware of anything else in the present without feeling the need to claw himself out.]
[While he's been understandably more than a bit on edge since his conversation with Jones, Jack's been >trying to act like nothing's wrong so he might actually be able to get Ianto to relax a little and talk to him about whatever's going on.
On top of that, even all the worries Jones planted in his head along with all the ones that are usually knocking around in his head, Jack is still himself and these last seven months have been the longest he's gone in decades without going into the field and he's getting more than a bit restless and not just because of the tiny feet and elbows that interrupt his sleep on a regular basis.
So for once he's actually trying to plow through paperwork to give his mind something to do, but even when trying to use it as a distraction it's still mind numbing, so he's also been futzing about with that 'smart phone' Ianto setup for him when he'd regressed back to his boyhood, and among other interesting discoveries has found several productions of a charmingly bizarre German musical he'd actually seen way back when it premiered in…1992? Somewhere around there. And brushing up on his German--along with hoping that maybe the slow, soft rhythm of a few of the songs might get a certain, not-so-little someone to settle down while he's working--actually is helping him focus and not think so very much about Ianto.
He was pleased to find more than a few productions with pretty good subtitles, but he's got his phone far enough away that he can't look over to them, seeing if he can follow the plot still and how much he can remember to let him sing along here and there. He's not all that surprise to realize he can recall more of Sisi's words than the others, and the fact Pia's voice has definitely gotten better with age doesn't hurt and makes it pleasant to sing along, softly but clear, as he works.]
"Was andre wichtig finden, zählt nicht für mich…Doch ich hab' ja dich…"
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timeasmymeasure
[action spam, about two weeks after the Lordens' arrival]
Date: 2023-11-26 04:48 am (UTC)They weren't bad dreams, really. More confusing than anything else, because it kept feeling like there was a common thread but he couldn't figure it out at first, let alone why they kept repeating. Not in the same order, or at least he didn't think so, but still the same scenes: An empty room in the house he'd dared to call a home with Bess. The transport ship that got him home after the first time he enlisted. His bunk at the Time Academy dormitory. A mostly-empty storage building behind the orphanage.
The odd thing, especially for Jack, was the lack of any threat in any of those places. There should have been some monster lurking there--the ones who attacked Boeshane, something he'd dealt with when he was at the Agency, anything. But there wasn't. He was always alone, just sitting or standing there, when he'd rarely been that still in any of his lives.
They haven't been unsettling enough to have him bolting out of bed in a cold sweat or anything, but he has been spending quite a while awake trying to figure out what the hell is going on, trying to be quiet to keep from waking Ianto. Tonight, though, even though the dreams weren't any different, almost as soon as he wakes up Jack thinks he's finally figured out what the hell his brain has been chewing on. And it's so stupid and obvious that he barely holds back a growl of frustration before standing up, intending to head to the kitchen to do…something to distract himself until he can at least feign sleep for a bit longer.]
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From:[Action spam; mid 2nd trimester]
Date: 2024-03-28 04:37 am (UTC)It takes him a few moments after he wakes up--silently, face dry and pulse pretty regular and without bolting up as much as he's physically capable of now, which tells him right off it probably wasn't a nightmare--to actually remember what he'd been dreaming about. It wasn't the play-by-play a lot of his dreams built from memories are, he knows that, just snapshots…
Mostly of a girl. A girl Rose's age with blue eyes instead of brown, but that wasn't what had made her memorable. No, it was the vacant expression in those eyes…and the lines on her face that made her look more like his great-grandmother than a teenager.
Valeria.
He'd almost forgotten her name, which hurts even if it's not nearly so much as when he can't immediately recall the name of an old lover, but at least it came back. And he's sure of it, remembers saying it--and more of the dream that woke him comes clear. It hadn't been the bad moments, racing through the village to rescue her after her father abandoned her to the monsters, holding her when he was sure they were both going to die, or even snapping at that asshole who made the tasteless quip about Jack's interest in 'older women'. No, it had been things like holding her hand to help her walk, kissing her cheek before they left…and the feeling of her too-light arms wrapping around him right after.
He's surprised to feel himself smiling as he remembers all of it, even as he realizes that poor girl whose life had just been beginning is probably dead by now. That day was probably the first time he'd honestly felt like he'd done some measure of good by a stranger for no reason other than they deserved it. He's equally surprised to find himself getting so lost in memory that he's scarcely aware of anything else in the present without feeling the need to claw himself out.]
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From:[action spam, a few days after his text conversation with Jones]
Date: 2024-04-12 03:02 am (UTC)On top of that, even all the worries Jones planted in his head along with all the ones that are usually knocking around in his head, Jack is still himself and these last seven months have been the longest he's gone in decades without going into the field and he's getting more than a bit restless and not just because of the tiny feet and elbows that interrupt his sleep on a regular basis.
So for once he's actually trying to plow through paperwork to give his mind something to do, but even when trying to use it as a distraction it's still mind numbing, so he's also been futzing about with that 'smart phone' Ianto setup for him when he'd regressed back to his boyhood, and among other interesting discoveries has found several productions of a charmingly bizarre German musical he'd actually seen way back when it premiered in…1992? Somewhere around there. And brushing up on his German--along with hoping that maybe the slow, soft rhythm of a few of the songs might get a certain, not-so-little someone to settle down while he's working--actually is helping him focus and not think so very much about Ianto.
He was pleased to find more than a few productions with pretty good subtitles, but he's got his phone far enough away that he can't look over to them, seeing if he can follow the plot still and how much he can remember to let him sing along here and there. He's not all that surprise to realize he can recall more of Sisi's words than the others, and the fact Pia's voice has definitely gotten better with age doesn't hurt and makes it pleasant to sing along, softly but clear, as he works.]
"Was andre wichtig finden, zählt nicht für mich…Doch ich hab' ja dich…"
[English subtitled video, German-English side by side lyrics]
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